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I need to get up and pack my stuff up for a day trip tomorrow. I'm heading up to see my parents, I think. M has an evening obligation with the Scandinavian Heritage thingie-o, and it's always kind of depressing when you are just sitting at home waiting for someone to come home, and putting the baby to bed alone and all that. It's a 90-minute drive, and that's not too far, really, but it sure sounds like a pain when you have a small child, particularly one that does nap when away from home. Course, she didn't nap today either, which led to many great moments for parents and children alike. She was in trouble more this afternoon than I think she's ever been in her entire life. She was throwing things and using her toys to shovel dirt out of the plants and around the room (she got in big trouble TWICE for that one) and dissolving into tears over nothing and all sorts of nonsense. She's usually so good that I am kind of at a loss when she turns on the two-ness.

I used to sort of think that having to take care of a kid during the "terrible twos" (or any other age wherein the behavior of said child is notoriously difficult in some way: ie, birth through age one hundred, I guess) would be pretty much unbearable, but the truth is that when it's your own kid, you just sort of deal with it and go on. It's exactly like going swimming in a pool that's too cold. You jump into the shallow end, and it's such a shock to your system that you can't do anything but shiver helplessly and flail about while (hopefully) still laughing at yourself. And you're only in the water to just above your waist, say, but it feels like more than enough. That's the newborn stage, more or less. After that, you begin to edge out into the deeper waters, partially against your will, and every step you take brings another wave of cold up your body. Just when you get used to it and think hey, everything is good!, you're pushed just a little farther out and you have to get used to it all again. Such is parenting. Just when you get used to one stage, they're moving on to something different.

Ooh, metaphors and shit. I am all bloggy and stuff. Well, I guess it would be more of a simile than a metaphor since I said it was exactly LIKE going swimming in a pool that's too cold, but I've always thought simile was an ugly duckling word that should no longer be used.

I think maybe I must have been drinking or something?

Also, I got eight boxes of Oreo Cakesters free last week and now I have eaten one (cakester, not one box!) and it was actually pretty good. It was, however, not as good as regular old Oreos. I keep hearing whispering children saying "Billy's got Oreo Cakesters!" from a stupid commercial they had a while back, though. It is totally ruining my Cakester experience. Do you think I could sue them over it? I'm sure I have a solid case...or at least as solid as some others I've heard of. While I'm waiting for the Cakester lawsuit millions to come pouring in, though, did you see that part about having EIGHT BOXES? Does anyone want to come over and have processed dessert snack food cakes with me, and then maybe braid each other's hair?
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I need a Mommy break. M asked me what I wanted for my birthday and I told him a babysitter. Ha! Like that would happen. The only person who has ever kept Evelyn is my mom. She does keep her occasionally so M and I can go somewhere by ourselves, but since she's 90 miles away, it just doesn't work out very well to drop her off for the day. When we get together she usually wants to see me too.. if at a lesser degree of importance than Evelyn. :) I don't want to actually find a babysitter right now. I just want a break sometimes. I want to sleep as late as I want---no, first, I want to stay up as late as I want, and THEN sleep as late as I want. Then I want to check the internet before showering, and then have breakfast with my book. I want the entire morning to take care of some paperwork, and the afternoon to play. I want to go shopping without getting Evelyn in and out of the car a thousand times and getting distracted by how whiny she is or making sure she has crackers or leaving before I'm ready. I want to get my eyebrows done, and shop for clothes that fit. I want to have dinner somewhere delicious, or even at home because I can cook something without enlisting the cooperation from an irrational human being. I also want to clean my house without said cooperation. And... I know, I know. I am running out of time in this one little day, but if I am daydreaming, then I should be allowed to dream big. The worst part is that this dream could happen. Say, for example, E could go spend the night with my parents. But the thought of her being away from me for so long is just... wrong. I don't really want her to be somewhere else. I just want a break. In two years, the longest I have ever gone without baby care responsibility is four hours. I think that's happened twice. Bah. I go in spells with this. Actually, I am feeling much better just by writing this because she has been playing well by herself, both in her room and in the computer room with me, and I have had a minute to breathe. Toddler care is mentally exhausting sometimes. I mean... it gets boring to keep them engaged in whatever's going on.

In other news, I am feeling guilty because I just totally ruined one of Evelyn's little dresses. It's too short for her this spring anyway but I was debating whether or not she could wear it as a shirt, but when I pulled it out of the closet, it was covered with stains. I don't understand how things are stain-free when they go in the closet and then I wait a few months and look at them again, and they're all stained up. Lots of her baby clothes did that, though in that case, I think it was spit-up that turned all nice and yellow. She was a very spit-uppy baby. These are food stains but I can't imagine hanging it back up like that. Anyway, I have like six or seven items with bitchy stains in the laundry room, going through endless cycles of stain-treating, washing, sunning, soaking, washing, etc. I got impatient this afternoon and broke out the bleach. Bye bye dress! The truth is that I wouldn't have risked it if I honestly thought it had a chance otherwise, so I know it's no real loss, but this way is relatively unrecoverable (I might have luck bleaching the whole thing... but I am doubting that will work out.) I had hope before. The other items I scrubbed bleach into were whiteish so we'll see how they turn out, but I'm not expecting significant damage at the least, and hopefully I'll be able to get rid of at least a few of those obnoxious items from my laundry room drying rack.

You know, I used to think I was really good at laundry stains. Apparently, I thought that only before I had a kid to stain-treat for. Or maybe I just had more time to work on them and fewer items and therefore more patience when I did. It drives me crazy that I'm the only one that gives a crap about getting her clothes dirty when there's something messy going on. I mean, sure, let her be a kid but for Pete's sake, take measures to prevent stains. I'm just saying. No one else is volunteering to scrub my laundry for me so I don't see why they get to laugh about how dirty her clothes get.

Well, that was unexpected. I had no idea I had so much pent-up laundry frustrations. Or so much frustration in general.

I am letting the munchkin play in her room (across the hall) while I type this. She's stomping around in a pair of boots. I have let her dress herself today, since she kept taking off the perfectly sensible matching outfit I put her in this morning. For most of the day, she wore a bright orange Halloween shirt with black sleeves, and a pair of white, pink and pastel blue capris. A few minutes ago, she insisted on disrobing and putting on a pair of bright orange capris that she found, but don't worry--she didn't keep on the orange shirt to coordinate! She said, "Elmo--pink! Elmo--pink!" several times when I asked her if she wanted to wear the matching dress that went with the capris. I finally figured out that she wanted to wear the pink Elmo shirt that was located in her closet, in another room, that she hasn't worn in weeks and therefore why would she even be thinking about it? It looks crazy.. but at least it's not stained...
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Can you send flowers to furry red monsters? Does FTD even deliver to Sesame Street? Maybe he would prefer a freshly opened batch of crayons or fish food, anyway. Have you ever actually listened to the Elmo's World song? Elmo is kind of a sad little monster. "Elmo loves his goldfish, his crayons too." Gee, Elmo, you are one happening dude! But I don't even care because Elmo has done something that Mommy and Daddy sure couldn't do.

I will cut this for those not interested in potty training stories. You are welcome. )

some stuff

Dec. 8th, 2008 09:54 pm
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Apparently, the lure of a Kleenex box is just too much for a busy eighteen-month-old. I have been using tissues all day that have been previously appropriated as flags, balls, or confetti material. It's sobering, really, to think about your status in a world where you think it's perfectly natural to use tissues that other people have played with already.

I am suffering from a cold at the moment, but so far, I seem to be the only one who has it. I was afraid E was going to get it at first, but she had no symptoms today so I am really crossing my fingers and toes that she won't. Pretty sure I'm on the mend now, though--yesterday was the worst day. It was also the day that M had to go to a Lucia rehearsal, so even though theoretically it was nice that I was sick on a weekend when he was home to help... eh, not so much. He was also gone until quite late on Friday night with his work Christmas party, and then we had to be in Lexington (forty minutesish) at eight on Saturday for the Sam's shopping spree. Every year, his employer gives everyone a $500 shopping card at Sam's (Costco-ish, if you don't have Sam's. I think. Never been to a Costco.) with the stipulation that it be spent during the hours of eight and eleven on a particular Saturday morning. If you go over $500, you pay the rest, but if you go under, you lose the rest. We bought a new camera, and also a new monitor for M, plus a few smaller things. It is such fun, this shopping trip. It's more fun than if we just got the money. (I know this for a fact, actually, because they also do get a Christmas bonus, which he got on Friday, and while it was fun and exciting and a great addition to ye olde bank account, the Sam's trip is so much more interesting.)

M put up the Christmas lights tonight and we took the munchkin outside to see them. She was fascinated. She had that look of wonder on her face... you know the one. It's the one that you dream of, when you make the decision to have a child and you think about what Christmas with a baby will be like. It's like all the Good in the whole world is right there in front her face and YOU are the one showing it to her and YOU are the one making it happen and YOU are the best thing in her whole world for it. It was a tiny moment of unexpected awesomeness.

My desk is a huge mess, so I think I'll go try to shovel it out from a pile of papers and junk. Or maybe I'll get started on that and then end up flipping through the sales papers again. I am nearly done with my Christmas shopping. That is good in all ways except shopping is my biggest hobby these days, so it's also a disappointment that I'm running out of reasons to buy things. :) Rough life..
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I hate getting interrupted while I'm trying to work on something, which is probably why I don't get nearly as much done as I'd like. The girl has been in a cranky mood for the last two days, which involves a lot of whining and shrieking and clawing of my eyeballs. That last one is done by me, to me, of course. I don't handle whining well. I told M last night that although she is the light of my life and I love her more than anything and could never hurt her, she was driving me freaking crazy. (I had to preface it so that it didn't come out scary to anyone.) The night before, she was flailing on the changing table and doing her signature move (twisting around, throwing her legs up in the air and slamming them into the side of my left breast for leverage for more twisting power, so I grabbed at her legs to push them down and jerked away from being kicked again and made an exasperated sound, and M said, "do you want me to do that for you? You seem like you're getting.. angry." And I am so glad that he is patient and kind and loving to his baby girl but she does this to me fifteen times per day and so yes, occasionally I kind of lose my patience with the whining and the kicking and the fighting, so then I just felt guilty like I was being mean to her instead of just trying to put a nice dry diaper on her little tushie. I love staying at home with my baby but sometimes it is harder than other times. It is still loads better than working, though! ;)

Speaking of working, I have had lunch just once or twice with a girl from work since September, and talked to two others on the phone one afternoon. (That was the day that Evelyn re-discovered fart noises and spent the entire time in the background making them. Great!) I worked six minutes from home. Looks like I would have called them now and then to have lunch or something, doesn't it? Hehe. I am such a hermit.

A couple of weeks ago I was at Walmart with my parents. We had been to lunch, and by the time we were shopping, it was way past time for Evelyn to have a diaper change and a snack. I usually will do that in the car before we go in somewhere, but my dad dropped us all off at the door before I had a chance to say anything about it, and it was cold and nasty and icy outside, so I didn't want to return to the car after I was in. So I end up dragging her and the diaper bag into the bathroom, because what am I going to do, whip it out right there in the Electronics department in front of my dad and everyone else? Once I was in there, though, I was a bit perplexed at what I was actually going to DO. The toilets didn't have lids and I wasn't about to sit down on the thing with my clothes on--I don't sit directly on public toilet seats when using them so I'm sure not going to just for fun. I had the ring sling in my diaper bag, so I pulled it out and draped it around me so that it relieved a little of the strain on my arms from holding her standing up (in the handicapped stall). I couldn't put it on her properly while nursing her and I didn't think she'd go for it anyway. So I am standing there with things hanging out, a couple of yards of fabric bunched around me and my arms dying from holding her like that for so long, and the longer I stand there... which thankfully, she does not eat for very long at one time, usually... the madder I am getting. Why do we live in a world that shames mothers for not breastfeeding their children while making it such a production to find a place to feed their children if they do? I am more modest than many--I believe in someone's right to be much more open, but I am just a bit shy myself. There is no support from the world at large, and people treat breastfeeding as if it's something shameful. I guess I am part of the problem because I am standing there in a nasty bathroom feeding my baby, but I am also a product of my world, you know? I believe it's Evelyn's right to eat when she is hungry but I am not comfortable doing it in the aisles of a busy store because I know how people think. It makes me really sad and angry. So, the question of the day is... what is the most inconvenient/awkward/embarrassing place that you have needed to feed your baby? What did you do? Or does everyone else just feel more confident about being open about it? Alternately, if you don't have kids or don't breastfeed, what do you think you would do in that situation?

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