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Evil badness
Jan. 23rd, 2004 02:02 amWhy am I not getting anything done? I have plenty of time, right? It seems like everything I work on these days is thwarted, and half of those thwarts are done to myself by myself. The other half is an act of evil by the universe. I don't know why I'm the beneficiary of so much evil badness, but I guess that if I'm getting evil badness I'm keeping it from someone else. Of course, my evil badness (yes, I really do like that phrase) is not really all that horrible but I'm feeling constantly frustrated. My darling husband asked if perhaps just maybe there was the slightest possibility that, given the circumstances, it could be in the least bit related to hormones, but I bit his head off and threw it outdoors in the snow, so clearly that is not the case. Not that it's even snowing. The stupid weather can't get anything right. It's not really that I want snow all that badly, but if it's going to be this frickin' cold, it should at least have fluffy white snow to make it all worthwhile. I could make soup then. Soup is always best when there is precipitation. You might deny it but secretly you know I'm right.
Anyway. I bet you're wondering how the universe is conspiring against me. It refuses to implant all of the knowledge that I would find helpful into my head without actually working for it. Yeah, I know, yesterday I was saying that it was all exciting and fun to work on these projects and figure out what you don't know, but yesterday I was an idiot. I was lying. What I really want is to wake up in the morning knowing everything there is to know about the project I'm currently working on. (I'm not really trying to be vague--I just know that this is boring stuff that no one wants to read about, and if they did, they wouldn't want to read about it from me because clearly I'm not the expert in the subject, since I spent a large portion of the day fuming at things that refuse to work like I think they ought.) My geek quotient is just not high enough these days, and it's suddenly very very important to me to fix it. Perhaps that in itself is a horrible conspiracy planted by the universe to throw me off track.
Actually, that's the rest of the problem. Remember I mentioned thwarting myself? I'm supposed to be concentrating on writing things. I haven't even printed my book yet. I think I'm afraid to see tangible proof of how horrible the thing was. I really hold no illusions as to the quality of the work. I'm proud of finishing the thing, and I'm halfway pleased with the story. It just doesn't hold together very well through the middle--I couldn't figure out a crucial part of the plot until the book was almost over, and that kind of put a crimp in everything. There are some scenes--really stupid ones--that were just written to meet the daily goal and they will need to be ruthlessly ripped out. And furthermore, I didn't develop an interesting voice until the last quarter of the book. Well, better late than never, but now I need to make the beginning match. So I really do have some valid problems with the thing, and I'm dreading it like crazy. It's important that I do it, though. M's book suffers from verbosity--he loves run-on sentences and long words. That stuff is easily edited, though, and the underlying story is very very good. My book was reasonably well-written but I'm afraid that the story is weak--and I know that's much harder to fix.
That was much more introspection than I planned for the evening. I really need to start getting up at 8:30 again. I seriously think that's part of my problem--my routine is just shot. It's just hard to do that when I stay up so late. :)
Anyway. I bet you're wondering how the universe is conspiring against me. It refuses to implant all of the knowledge that I would find helpful into my head without actually working for it. Yeah, I know, yesterday I was saying that it was all exciting and fun to work on these projects and figure out what you don't know, but yesterday I was an idiot. I was lying. What I really want is to wake up in the morning knowing everything there is to know about the project I'm currently working on. (I'm not really trying to be vague--I just know that this is boring stuff that no one wants to read about, and if they did, they wouldn't want to read about it from me because clearly I'm not the expert in the subject, since I spent a large portion of the day fuming at things that refuse to work like I think they ought.) My geek quotient is just not high enough these days, and it's suddenly very very important to me to fix it. Perhaps that in itself is a horrible conspiracy planted by the universe to throw me off track.
Actually, that's the rest of the problem. Remember I mentioned thwarting myself? I'm supposed to be concentrating on writing things. I haven't even printed my book yet. I think I'm afraid to see tangible proof of how horrible the thing was. I really hold no illusions as to the quality of the work. I'm proud of finishing the thing, and I'm halfway pleased with the story. It just doesn't hold together very well through the middle--I couldn't figure out a crucial part of the plot until the book was almost over, and that kind of put a crimp in everything. There are some scenes--really stupid ones--that were just written to meet the daily goal and they will need to be ruthlessly ripped out. And furthermore, I didn't develop an interesting voice until the last quarter of the book. Well, better late than never, but now I need to make the beginning match. So I really do have some valid problems with the thing, and I'm dreading it like crazy. It's important that I do it, though. M's book suffers from verbosity--he loves run-on sentences and long words. That stuff is easily edited, though, and the underlying story is very very good. My book was reasonably well-written but I'm afraid that the story is weak--and I know that's much harder to fix.
That was much more introspection than I planned for the evening. I really need to start getting up at 8:30 again. I seriously think that's part of my problem--my routine is just shot. It's just hard to do that when I stay up so late. :)
