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I suffer for my art. Really.
Jun. 30th, 2006 10:01 pmHaving apparently not learned from the mistakes of others (DON'T DRINK AND CODE!), I required some refreshments for tonight's work in getting Mosaic Minds ready for the next issue, Truth or Consequences. Go read it; it's just as fabulous as always.
That is a Lemon Drop Martini, lovingly prepared by mylive-in maid adoring husband, a bowl of Cheetos, fetched for me by same, and the champagne is awaiting the bellini... for which there are freshly pureed peaches chilling. Damn FoodTV for putting these things in my head.
One more note about the book I ridiculed last night. Wait, two more notes. The first thing: she found out that her French lover was not who he said he was. Wouldn't you think that would be the biggest, most dramatic scene in the book, it being the plot's climax and all? No. As a matter of fact, that scene was not even in the book. It happened completely off-screen, as it were, in between chapters. She knew nothing, and then the next chapter opens with her interrogating someone about why he would do such a thing. Seriously. It was phenomenally badly done.
But my very favorite thing of the entire book is that she decided to punish him by giving him the interview he so desperately wanted. (What is WRONG WITH YOU, woman? You cannot punish a male by giving him what he wants! Didn't you learn that in Manipulation 101?) So she borrows a condo, dresses up as her radio personality and puts on her blonde wig and her blue contacts. Apparently, the non-French reporter could not tell that she had the same face under that wig, but okay. It reminded me of TV shows where they put a black bare over someone's eyes and then you magically can't tell who it is. Suspending the powers of reality again, and moving along with the story. She then decides, while giving him this interview, that she totally wants to be with him one last time, and so they begin to have tea and crumpets. (This is the phrase used for sex on some romance novel blogs, and I think it's hilarious, and will use it henceforth.) She totally does not care that he thinks he is sleeping with another woman. (I, on the other hand, think he is even more of an ass now than I did before, and I think it would be awesome if he wakes up in the morning with a missing wallet.) They proceed to have the sex. It goes on for several hours.
Her wig, it stays perfectly in place.
And all I would like to say is: If your wig doesn't fall off, you ain't doin' it right.
Thank you, and goodnight.
That is a Lemon Drop Martini, lovingly prepared by my
One more note about the book I ridiculed last night. Wait, two more notes. The first thing: she found out that her French lover was not who he said he was. Wouldn't you think that would be the biggest, most dramatic scene in the book, it being the plot's climax and all? No. As a matter of fact, that scene was not even in the book. It happened completely off-screen, as it were, in between chapters. She knew nothing, and then the next chapter opens with her interrogating someone about why he would do such a thing. Seriously. It was phenomenally badly done.
But my very favorite thing of the entire book is that she decided to punish him by giving him the interview he so desperately wanted. (What is WRONG WITH YOU, woman? You cannot punish a male by giving him what he wants! Didn't you learn that in Manipulation 101?) So she borrows a condo, dresses up as her radio personality and puts on her blonde wig and her blue contacts. Apparently, the non-French reporter could not tell that she had the same face under that wig, but okay. It reminded me of TV shows where they put a black bare over someone's eyes and then you magically can't tell who it is. Suspending the powers of reality again, and moving along with the story. She then decides, while giving him this interview, that she totally wants to be with him one last time, and so they begin to have tea and crumpets. (This is the phrase used for sex on some romance novel blogs, and I think it's hilarious, and will use it henceforth.) She totally does not care that he thinks he is sleeping with another woman. (I, on the other hand, think he is even more of an ass now than I did before, and I think it would be awesome if he wakes up in the morning with a missing wallet.) They proceed to have the sex. It goes on for several hours.
Her wig, it stays perfectly in place.
And all I would like to say is: If your wig doesn't fall off, you ain't doin' it right.
Thank you, and goodnight.
