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Ladies and gentlemen, we have had an Incident. The following story is true. If I thought I could get away with changing the names to protect the innocent, you had better believe that I would, but I don't think anyone would buy it so I might as well tell this on myself before Carrie does it for me. She claims that she wouldn't write about it if I didn't want her to but I think she would just break out the NoKorM filter. She is devious, that one.
We decided today that we would go eat a nice Mexican lunch. It was a bit stressful getting the baby ready to go because she spit up on three outfits in a row, plus the feeding and diapering and packing that goes with going somewhere. Also, it was pretty chilly today and I have no winter baby experience yet. Then she cried in the car on the way there a little, and she started screaming when I parked--her hat had fallen down over her eyes, so I had to fix that. Then I was grabbing my bags and the stroller from the trunk and then getting her out, and I dropped my purse and I couldn't keep the blanket over her wee little legs. I finally got it all sorted--with the help of a random woman who helped me with the stroller up the stairs.
Anyway, we go in and have a very nice lunch. We discuss Mike's polygamous tendencies, and we gossip about all of you! Only, most of you are kind of calmly enjoying your life these days so there wasn't a whole heck of a lot to gossip about. Do something dramatic so we have something to talk about, would you? When it's time to leave, I start digging in my pocket for my car key. Please note that we only have one key to the car. It operates both the door and the engine, and since it's a new car, we still haven't managed to get another one made. It isn't in my pocket like I thought it was, so I search my purse. Again. And again. I then search my coat pockets and my diaper bag and the whole area around the table. I go out and search around the car and look in through the windows. Carrie and Mike go search. We ask the staff if anyone turned in a key. I should note that at this point, both Carrie and Mike started suggesting that they could strip search me. I begin wondering if it's a setup. ;) We can't find the key, so I can only hope that I've locked it in the car. I call M, and we start constructing a complicated plan to get us all home and a new key made. Luckily, we had taken two cars to lunch because of the car seat issue, but that also meant that we now only had one car seat to use to get two small children home. They flipped Erik's car seat backwards so that it was rear-facing, and Mike took Evie and me home (about five miles) before going back to get Carrie and Erik. By the way, I later learned that the cops will generally unlock your doors for free, especially if you're out with a baby in a car seat.
Once home, I called the Ford dealership and then M and I hatched a big plan where he would drive back to town (fifteen minutes) from his job to get a new key made--they can do that using the VIN. Kind of scary, when you think about it, since the VIN is viewable from outside the vehicle and all. Everyone kept assuring me that it was okay, don't worry about it, this sort of thing happens to everyone. I, however, felt terribly dense anyway. Anyway, after all the plans were made, and the insurance card was scanned and emailed to M so that he could print it and take it in with him to prove that the vehicle is ours, I sat down on the computer room futon to feed the (by now) very hungry baby. Carrie was sitting here with me, spinning Erik around in M's chair. When she was done eating, I felt something tickle me a bit, and that's when I had that dawning moment of utter horror.
I had put the fucking key in my bra.
I remember doing it, now. I had it in my hand while trying to get the baby out of the car seat in a hurry, and I couldn't reach my pocket very well. I had meant to grab it out before I even got out of the car, but I was distracted by everything else and I just plain forgot it was there. It's just the one key, and the end is rubbery, and I didn't feel it once it was there. In short, I was a great big giant dork and I made a complete idiot out of myself. In front of guests! In the end, the only thing that was really lost was that Carrie had to wait with Erik for Mike to come back and get her, and M had a slightly longer lunch than usual while he headed to get the key. The key has security features built in, so it was going to cost $90 to get one made and reprogrammed, so it was excellent that M hadn't made it there yet.
Ironically... a strip search would have helped. Huh! Who would have guessed?!
In other visiting news, M and I are terrified of the creepy woman in the sign language DVD that Erik was watching. That woman is EVIL! And Mike is very concerned about Mr. Noodle of Elmo fame because the others are mean to him. You know, life is very different when you have kids. Not to worry, though, not everything has changed! The guys headed out to go pick up the car (shut up) and Carrie and I stayed home and talked about man-on-man action. Good times, y'all. Good times. She's posted a couple of pictures, including one of me looking oddly angular. Not thin, mind you, just... angular. And neon. Hmm. Evelyn and Erik are cute anyway! :)
We decided today that we would go eat a nice Mexican lunch. It was a bit stressful getting the baby ready to go because she spit up on three outfits in a row, plus the feeding and diapering and packing that goes with going somewhere. Also, it was pretty chilly today and I have no winter baby experience yet. Then she cried in the car on the way there a little, and she started screaming when I parked--her hat had fallen down over her eyes, so I had to fix that. Then I was grabbing my bags and the stroller from the trunk and then getting her out, and I dropped my purse and I couldn't keep the blanket over her wee little legs. I finally got it all sorted--with the help of a random woman who helped me with the stroller up the stairs.
Anyway, we go in and have a very nice lunch. We discuss Mike's polygamous tendencies, and we gossip about all of you! Only, most of you are kind of calmly enjoying your life these days so there wasn't a whole heck of a lot to gossip about. Do something dramatic so we have something to talk about, would you? When it's time to leave, I start digging in my pocket for my car key. Please note that we only have one key to the car. It operates both the door and the engine, and since it's a new car, we still haven't managed to get another one made. It isn't in my pocket like I thought it was, so I search my purse. Again. And again. I then search my coat pockets and my diaper bag and the whole area around the table. I go out and search around the car and look in through the windows. Carrie and Mike go search. We ask the staff if anyone turned in a key. I should note that at this point, both Carrie and Mike started suggesting that they could strip search me. I begin wondering if it's a setup. ;) We can't find the key, so I can only hope that I've locked it in the car. I call M, and we start constructing a complicated plan to get us all home and a new key made. Luckily, we had taken two cars to lunch because of the car seat issue, but that also meant that we now only had one car seat to use to get two small children home. They flipped Erik's car seat backwards so that it was rear-facing, and Mike took Evie and me home (about five miles) before going back to get Carrie and Erik. By the way, I later learned that the cops will generally unlock your doors for free, especially if you're out with a baby in a car seat.
Once home, I called the Ford dealership and then M and I hatched a big plan where he would drive back to town (fifteen minutes) from his job to get a new key made--they can do that using the VIN. Kind of scary, when you think about it, since the VIN is viewable from outside the vehicle and all. Everyone kept assuring me that it was okay, don't worry about it, this sort of thing happens to everyone. I, however, felt terribly dense anyway. Anyway, after all the plans were made, and the insurance card was scanned and emailed to M so that he could print it and take it in with him to prove that the vehicle is ours, I sat down on the computer room futon to feed the (by now) very hungry baby. Carrie was sitting here with me, spinning Erik around in M's chair. When she was done eating, I felt something tickle me a bit, and that's when I had that dawning moment of utter horror.
I had put the fucking key in my bra.
I remember doing it, now. I had it in my hand while trying to get the baby out of the car seat in a hurry, and I couldn't reach my pocket very well. I had meant to grab it out before I even got out of the car, but I was distracted by everything else and I just plain forgot it was there. It's just the one key, and the end is rubbery, and I didn't feel it once it was there. In short, I was a great big giant dork and I made a complete idiot out of myself. In front of guests! In the end, the only thing that was really lost was that Carrie had to wait with Erik for Mike to come back and get her, and M had a slightly longer lunch than usual while he headed to get the key. The key has security features built in, so it was going to cost $90 to get one made and reprogrammed, so it was excellent that M hadn't made it there yet.
Ironically... a strip search would have helped. Huh! Who would have guessed?!
In other visiting news, M and I are terrified of the creepy woman in the sign language DVD that Erik was watching. That woman is EVIL! And Mike is very concerned about Mr. Noodle of Elmo fame because the others are mean to him. You know, life is very different when you have kids. Not to worry, though, not everything has changed! The guys headed out to go pick up the car (shut up) and Carrie and I stayed home and talked about man-on-man action. Good times, y'all. Good times. She's posted a couple of pictures, including one of me looking oddly angular. Not thin, mind you, just... angular. And neon. Hmm. Evelyn and Erik are cute anyway! :)
