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a letter to my baby
Feb. 28th, 2008 10:35 pmMy dearest Evelyn,
What better time to think of how much I love you than now, when I am rocking you to sleep? You are not happy with me. You are crying and frantically saying "DA DA DA DA!" I wonder if you are just babbling to keep yourself awake or if you are calling for your daddy to come take you from this nasty woman who is bound and determined to make you fall asleep. It may seem like an odd time to reflect upon how wonderful my life is now that you're in it, but I have found that on some days, it is best to reflect ONLY on the positives, for otherwise I might throw myself in front of a train.
Sometimes kisses make you smile (and even laugh out loud! Oh, how I love it when you do that), so I snuggle you up next to my face and place little kisses all over your cheeks and eyelids and forehead and chin. I love kissing your chin. I'm not sure why but it feels so sweet. It isn't working today. You are still whining. I kiss you anyway because I strongly feel that at least one of us should be happy and frankly, my dear, kisses make Mama happy. I know that it's odd, but I love the way your breath smells, even though something about it reminds me of your poo as a newborn. Isn't that gross? Being a mom is sort of like that.
I pull out the big guns (there is an obvious joke here but I am going to let it pass) and we try nursing again. This stops the crying for a minute, but then you remember that this makes you very sleepy and sleepy is evil, so you pull away and go back to crying. This is better than when you bite me, at least. You don't bite me often and mostly, I don't think you mean to do it. You just have these four teeth that you don't have complete control over yet. I have been accused of taking up for you on this matter because I don't want anyone to think that you would hurt me deliberately. Maybe I do that, I don't know. I love it when you nurse. I love cuddling you close and knowing that I am providing for all of your nutritional needs with my body. I love that it is something you can only get from me. I love that you love it as much as I do.
We have been at this napping project for entirely too long by now. I am tired of fighting you and you are tired of me holding you, so I give up and put you in the floor for a few minutes while I regroup and sneak off to grab a snack. You play with things you're not supposed to (no, Evelyn, you may NOT have Mommy's scissors!!) while I run behind you taking those things (Evelyn! stop poking at the lens on the camera!) away from you and moving you away from the dangerous spots (Evelyn, sweetie, stop licking the electrical outlets!) Again and again and again. Sometimes I am afraid that your little armpits will be sore from being moved away from danger so often. Your daddy says maybe if they are, you will learn not to go those places, but neither of us believe that to be true. You know what "no" means, but you could care less right now. I know that you are exploring your world and this is good for your development, but it is giving me gray hairs. Please remember that when you are embarrassed by your old frumpy mother; you have done this to me. You do a lot of shrieking during this free play time. Shrieking means "I am so sleepy I can't stand myself" but you're not taking your own hints. I poke your cheeks and you giggle. Your laugh is infectious and so I laugh with you. Poke! Poke! Poke! It's still funny! Poke! Your face crumples and you shriek at me. I guess it's not funny anymore?
After about half an hour, I change your diaper and sit back down to try again. I wrap you up in a fleece blanket--getting you extra warm helps sometimes. This makes you angry, though, and you cry about it. Sweet baby, don't you know that I'm not doing this to be mean to you? You have been fighting me over naps every day this week. On Monday, I let you win and you were so, so miserable all evening long. You could stay awake if you didn't so clearly still need your nap! Naps will make you feel better, I promise! Here, have some milk. Yum yum milk. No? How about if I hold you up on my left shoulder and pat you? No? Right shoulder? You want to slide down to lay on your belly? Apparently only briefly. Here, have some milk. Yum yum milk. No? How about if I sing? This little light of mine, I'm going to let it shine... The farmer in the dell, the farmer in the dell... I set out from Reno, trailed by twenty hounds, didn't get to sleep last night until the morning came around... Children go where I send thee, how will I send thee oh, I'm going to send thee one by one...Hush little baby, don't say a word. No? Okay, fair enough, I know I don't have much of a singing voice. Maybe if I pat you on the butt with each rock. Maybe if I rub your shoulders. Maybe if I kiss your forehead.. okay, no, you've already vetoed kisses today but I still like to kiss you, baby girl. You are crying again. Here, have some milk. Yum yum milk... yum yum milk... yum yum milk... eyes still closed! Still closed! Yes, asleep! You are asleep! Yay! We did it!
A few minutes later, I carry you, still bundled up in your blanket, to your crib. You sigh contentedly, arms above your head. I pull up the crib rail, turn on the monitor and sneak out of your room. Life is good.
Ten minutes later you're awake and screaming your little head off. To hell with it, let's go shopping. Who cares if Daddy gets off work in less than half an hour--we'll just have him meet us for dinner. I am NOT starting over with the nap project until tomorrow. I'd like to say that I can't wait until then, but really, remember the days when you fell asleep happily? Let's reminisce about those days tomorrow, shall we?
Please.
All my love,
Mommy
What better time to think of how much I love you than now, when I am rocking you to sleep? You are not happy with me. You are crying and frantically saying "DA DA DA DA!" I wonder if you are just babbling to keep yourself awake or if you are calling for your daddy to come take you from this nasty woman who is bound and determined to make you fall asleep. It may seem like an odd time to reflect upon how wonderful my life is now that you're in it, but I have found that on some days, it is best to reflect ONLY on the positives, for otherwise I might throw myself in front of a train.
Sometimes kisses make you smile (and even laugh out loud! Oh, how I love it when you do that), so I snuggle you up next to my face and place little kisses all over your cheeks and eyelids and forehead and chin. I love kissing your chin. I'm not sure why but it feels so sweet. It isn't working today. You are still whining. I kiss you anyway because I strongly feel that at least one of us should be happy and frankly, my dear, kisses make Mama happy. I know that it's odd, but I love the way your breath smells, even though something about it reminds me of your poo as a newborn. Isn't that gross? Being a mom is sort of like that.
I pull out the big guns (there is an obvious joke here but I am going to let it pass) and we try nursing again. This stops the crying for a minute, but then you remember that this makes you very sleepy and sleepy is evil, so you pull away and go back to crying. This is better than when you bite me, at least. You don't bite me often and mostly, I don't think you mean to do it. You just have these four teeth that you don't have complete control over yet. I have been accused of taking up for you on this matter because I don't want anyone to think that you would hurt me deliberately. Maybe I do that, I don't know. I love it when you nurse. I love cuddling you close and knowing that I am providing for all of your nutritional needs with my body. I love that it is something you can only get from me. I love that you love it as much as I do.
We have been at this napping project for entirely too long by now. I am tired of fighting you and you are tired of me holding you, so I give up and put you in the floor for a few minutes while I regroup and sneak off to grab a snack. You play with things you're not supposed to (no, Evelyn, you may NOT have Mommy's scissors!!) while I run behind you taking those things (Evelyn! stop poking at the lens on the camera!) away from you and moving you away from the dangerous spots (Evelyn, sweetie, stop licking the electrical outlets!) Again and again and again. Sometimes I am afraid that your little armpits will be sore from being moved away from danger so often. Your daddy says maybe if they are, you will learn not to go those places, but neither of us believe that to be true. You know what "no" means, but you could care less right now. I know that you are exploring your world and this is good for your development, but it is giving me gray hairs. Please remember that when you are embarrassed by your old frumpy mother; you have done this to me. You do a lot of shrieking during this free play time. Shrieking means "I am so sleepy I can't stand myself" but you're not taking your own hints. I poke your cheeks and you giggle. Your laugh is infectious and so I laugh with you. Poke! Poke! Poke! It's still funny! Poke! Your face crumples and you shriek at me. I guess it's not funny anymore?
After about half an hour, I change your diaper and sit back down to try again. I wrap you up in a fleece blanket--getting you extra warm helps sometimes. This makes you angry, though, and you cry about it. Sweet baby, don't you know that I'm not doing this to be mean to you? You have been fighting me over naps every day this week. On Monday, I let you win and you were so, so miserable all evening long. You could stay awake if you didn't so clearly still need your nap! Naps will make you feel better, I promise! Here, have some milk. Yum yum milk. No? How about if I hold you up on my left shoulder and pat you? No? Right shoulder? You want to slide down to lay on your belly? Apparently only briefly. Here, have some milk. Yum yum milk. No? How about if I sing? This little light of mine, I'm going to let it shine... The farmer in the dell, the farmer in the dell... I set out from Reno, trailed by twenty hounds, didn't get to sleep last night until the morning came around... Children go where I send thee, how will I send thee oh, I'm going to send thee one by one...Hush little baby, don't say a word. No? Okay, fair enough, I know I don't have much of a singing voice. Maybe if I pat you on the butt with each rock. Maybe if I rub your shoulders. Maybe if I kiss your forehead.. okay, no, you've already vetoed kisses today but I still like to kiss you, baby girl. You are crying again. Here, have some milk. Yum yum milk... yum yum milk... yum yum milk... eyes still closed! Still closed! Yes, asleep! You are asleep! Yay! We did it!
A few minutes later, I carry you, still bundled up in your blanket, to your crib. You sigh contentedly, arms above your head. I pull up the crib rail, turn on the monitor and sneak out of your room. Life is good.
Ten minutes later you're awake and screaming your little head off. To hell with it, let's go shopping. Who cares if Daddy gets off work in less than half an hour--we'll just have him meet us for dinner. I am NOT starting over with the nap project until tomorrow. I'd like to say that I can't wait until then, but really, remember the days when you fell asleep happily? Let's reminisce about those days tomorrow, shall we?
Please.
All my love,
Mommy
