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[personal profile] same_sky
I do not understand how one tiny baby could be so very, very sweet. Seriously, I don't. She is so GOOD. She sleeps more than we have a right to expect, she rarely fusses in public (and is easily soothed if she does), she isn't colicky, she isn't plagued with diaper rash, she likes people alright, she's healthy and strong. It does create one small problem--how could M and I possibly consider ever having another baby? What if it isn't as good? We have no experience being parents to fussy babies! I am being facetious, of course, but the child is currently in the swing, watching her fingers in fascination. How much better does it get?

It is interesting to me that I am the crunchiest person I know, in real life, and fairly crunchy but mainly pretty average to most of the mommies I know online. I breastfeed (which to me is so normal that it barely even counts anymore--until I talk to or about people in real life), I use cloth diapers, we are anti-circ (not that we needed to have a policy on that this time!) etc. And yet, now that I hang out in some of the cloth diaper communities and similar forums.. I am scarily mainstream. OH MY, Evelyn likes to sit in her walker! I don't wear her while I work around the house! She she also likes her stroller! She's had her vaccinations! We don't co-sleep! And for the love of little green Martian men, she was born by c-section after an induction! And I still have plastic stuff in my kitchen! OMGWTF THE HORRORS THAT POOR CHILD. Not that anyone says that but it's implied. I don't care, but it's funny. As long as I am not snorting coke off my baby's belly while breastfeeding, I figure I'm ahead of the game.

Speaking of wearing her while working around the house.. my arms are just too danged short to accomplish that much with her in front of me, and it's uncomfortable for me (and her, I think) to bend over too much, so most light housework is out, too. Is it all about the back carries? I haven't really tried that yet because I think she's somewhat small. I do most of my housework while she's asleep, but I can't vacuum then because it would wake her up. Also, I don't like to vacuum and so it's a handy excuse to continue letting M do it upon occasion. She's getting to an age where I'd like the floor to be cleaned more often, though. Not that my floors are not scrupulously clean at all times anyway, of course. Just saying.

As always, I was distracted while writing this and it is now hours later. I failed in putting her to sleep during the bedtime feeding, which happens sometimes, and M is walking with her and singing about a nasty little dog, or possibly about Lucia. She threw a little freak out fit while hovering near sleep, which put her decidedly in the "hey, let's wake up!" mood. While she was freaking out, I started tracing one finger lightly around her face.. across her cheek, over her nose, around her mouth. That's what my mommy used to do to me when I was little. She quietened down, and mostly closed her eyes, and she became very still, just enjoying the way it felt. She looked like she was willing me to never ever stop, to keep caressing her little face until the end of time (or until she got bored with it, whichever came first). It's a pretty wonderful feeling to bring that much happiness to someone merely by touching her, and I must confess that my husband looked over and caught me weeping over our sweet little baby. I keep thinking that she will never remember that moment, but I will never forget it. I am living the best years of my life. Such a strange feeling...
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