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Dear Neighbor,

I'm sorry I slid an entire laundry basket down the stairs to avoid the need to lug it there myself.

It seemed like a good idea at the time.

Regretfully yours,
Noisy But Nice

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Dear Wired Magazine,

You are terribly prolific, and also wordy. I believe you just sent us the last of our twelve-month subscription. I'm just curious and all, but why did it only take you eight months to send twelve magazines? And is it really necessary to wrap your publication in plastic just to include spam for another magazine?

Also, you reek of sexism and gender stereotyping. I will not be renewing. STOP SENDING ME LETTERS.

Signed,
It's-Pretty-Bad-When-I-Call-Someone-Wordy

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Dear M,

You still make my toes curl. I find you extremely appealing. Keep up the good work

Love (and other indoor sports),
Wife

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Dear Internets,

Sometimes I think you are staring at me because I have a milk moustache, or my dress is caught in my pantyhose. I find this disturbing, especially when I feel the need to check my dress and realize I'm not wearing one. Not that I'm paranoid or anything.

Sincerely,
K