sometimes i whine a lot, and then i go to bed

I posted yesterday in a friends-only manner regarding the Derby hat competition at work. It is with great sadness that I must convey the message that we did not win, even though our creation was clearly the best one. I am thinking that next time something like this comes along, we should take a collection and cater our own damned afternoon break.

Actually, I am in a pissy Wednesday mood again, although this time I think it is birthday-related. I have never had birthday angst before and I don't know why it's striking this year, but I have been bombarding my poor husband with a litany of all my faults. He is the only person I have ever known who can shake me out of these moods, and by shake I do not mean literally shake, of course. He accomplishes this by a) making me laugh b) distracting me (often with talk of pudding) c) being a weirdo and d) kissing me until my tonsils protest.

The thing is that when I get like this, even I know I'm being a dork. I'm not even serious about all of them! (Sorta.) So why am I down on myself today? Oh, the many, many reasons! I use plastic without a qualm, and pesticide on the poison ivy, and there are chemicals everywhere and we don't know what they do and there's no way to avoid them and maybe it's those that are causing hormone problems for so many people, including me, and it's because I have microwaved things in plastic bowls, and also I haven't figured out how I feel about vaccinations for my hypothetical children yet, and while I'm on the subject of kids I don't have, I don't know if I will realistically be able to manage the cloth diapering thing but I would like to want to for reasons involving vague studies on male fertility problems linked to disposable diapers, and also I am lazy because I don't keep my house clean enough and I gossip and I am not a kind person because I am generally pretty snarky in my head and that's not very nice and I don't want to go to work and I buy frozen food and I waste money throwing away frozen food that I can't stomach eating even one full bite of (NUTMEG? Who the bloody hell wants chili that is sweet and has NUTMEG in it? It was disgusting.) and we don't have weekend plans finalized yet and we can't make decisions and we've stopped working on the house and the yard and it's being re-taken over by vines and we haven't mowed because of the rain but today was sunny and we didn't do it anyway because M didn't get home until late and I don't mow and I am sleepy and tomorrow is my birthday and even though nothing in particular has made me moody I can still whine to M even if I can't whine to anyone else.

Except, well, the entire internets! Yeah. Strike that last part.

Anyway, M is remarkably well-suited to making me feel better, and it sounds like I was being an awful pain today but mainly, M was just laughing at all the things that I was coming up with and I was laughing too, for the most part. Because.. I know that I don't need to come up with any answers regarding what I will do with theoretical children because there is plenty of time for that oh, when I actually have them, and if I wasn't kind of lazy then M assures me that ours would have been a short marriage since HE is so lazy himself, and that kind people are the ones who are kind even when they are snarky on the inside, and then he came up with some plans for the weekend (though still nothing settled).. etc. I did ask him if it was worth it, though, and he just laughed at me some more, and then demonstrated our technique for being cutesy during a cave tour when they turn the lights out to demonstrate total darkness.

I like him. He likes me.

Really, what else do I need?

Bonus conversation to show that we're not over this whole house-owning thing:
K (handing a basket of laundry to M): Would you take these to the bedroom?
M: Which bedroom? We have several!
K: Our bedroom.
M: That's what I'm sayin'! They're ALL ours!