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Ducky: 15w3d
Dec. 5th, 2006 10:06 pmThe worry has begun to creep in again. I have had two good weeks since my last doctor's visit, full of happiness and cheer and the Zen of allowing the world to talk about my reproductive status without cringing. We have been making some pre-plans--for example, we've pre-planned talking about the nursery and the accumulation of baby stuff for January. I haven't bought a single baby thing so far.. though I have begun eyeing the baby section in stores as we walk by, I haven't actually slowed yet to go in. It still feels too soon to buy things, and I just can't handle thinking about all of the plans and accessories until after Christmas is over. (Besides, with any luck, we'll find out if it's a boy or a girl in that time frame.)
Have I said that here? I am alternating days on whether I say "he" or "she". M corrects me on the "he" days. I think he's enjoying the forecasting too much. It's a game he can't lose. If he says "girl girl girl" and then we find out that Ducky is a boy--then hey, he might have guessed wrong but it's a boy! That's great! And if it's a girl, then he can pretend he knew all along and--a girl! That's great! Really, neither of us have a real preference on what we want. I'm leaning girl a tiny bit but only because my family tends to have more girls than boys. Then again, I'm also leaning boy because of a line in a song that.. oh, never mind. I'm not telling the internet about that because it's too hokey. Anyway, when you are leaning both boy and girl at the same time, that pretty much means that you don't even have a good guess.
Anyway, the worry. It's not bad, but it's present again. To avoid creeping out the normals, I'll refrain from putting words to the things I'm worrying about. I know that the chance of something going wrong at this stage is pretty low... but the problem with statistics is that they're worse than useless if you're that one person that it happens to. On the other hand, I think that we gave free reign to our worrying during the first trimester, and after I made the effort to relax about it, my worrying needed a new hobby now that I had allowed it back into my life, so I have been worrying about all sort sof other stuff, too.. including my faithful worrying standby, that of something bad happening to M (specifically, a car wreck.) Today, I found myself very briefly almost sick over a random thought-turned-worry so completely outside the bounds of reality that I cannot adequately give it justice, and I'm not about to tell you what it was because it's so awful and so stupid. So I guess maybe worrying about Ducky again might almost be a bit of a relief by now.
But, there are only two more weeks until the next ultrasound, and if they can't find the baby's heartbeat with the doppler this time around, I'm going to demand my money back. ;) Actually, I can't really complain about them not being able to hear it with the doppler since you get pictures with an ultrasound, and they have so far been quite accomodating with the ultrasound love. And sure, I guess I should worry about the effects of ultrasound waves on my fetus--but I'm not going to, and mainly just because I don't want to. I did find out last night that my husband does an amazing impersonation of a doppler machine. I should record it and play it here because it really is good.
In the meantime, everything seems to be going well. There isn't that much going on in terms of weight gain--my belly is changing, but my weight is approximately the same as it was. Theoretically, I'm not really supposed to be able to feel movement, or just barely so if at all. That being the case, I won't tell you that I'm pretty sure that I do feel something, because I was twelve weeks when I hesitantly told M that I really, really, REALLY KNEW that I shouldn't be able to actually feel anything, BUT... And, it's the same feeling now as then, only a little stronger. It's not that often, either. My family kind of laughed at the idea that you can't feel anything moving until so late, all of them claiming that they could very early. My theory is that a) maybe I'm on crack b) maybe I come from a family of early-feelers or c) I have spent two years obsessing over every twinge my uterus has, so perhaps I am more attuned to what it's actually doing. But like I said, I'm not going to talk about that because it's the kind of thing that I would make fun of because clearly, this person is delusional, etc etc. But at least I've still never told anyone that is experiencing "movement" at six weeks that they are probably feeling their embryo's heart beating. I swear, someone actually said that and believed it. That's the trouble with Dr. Google. Sometimes he comes up with weird shit.
Other than that, I've spent most of my free time trying to not think the method of arrival. Also, trying not to fall asleep all the time like I am now.
Have I said that here? I am alternating days on whether I say "he" or "she". M corrects me on the "he" days. I think he's enjoying the forecasting too much. It's a game he can't lose. If he says "girl girl girl" and then we find out that Ducky is a boy--then hey, he might have guessed wrong but it's a boy! That's great! And if it's a girl, then he can pretend he knew all along and--a girl! That's great! Really, neither of us have a real preference on what we want. I'm leaning girl a tiny bit but only because my family tends to have more girls than boys. Then again, I'm also leaning boy because of a line in a song that.. oh, never mind. I'm not telling the internet about that because it's too hokey. Anyway, when you are leaning both boy and girl at the same time, that pretty much means that you don't even have a good guess.
Anyway, the worry. It's not bad, but it's present again. To avoid creeping out the normals, I'll refrain from putting words to the things I'm worrying about. I know that the chance of something going wrong at this stage is pretty low... but the problem with statistics is that they're worse than useless if you're that one person that it happens to. On the other hand, I think that we gave free reign to our worrying during the first trimester, and after I made the effort to relax about it, my worrying needed a new hobby now that I had allowed it back into my life, so I have been worrying about all sort sof other stuff, too.. including my faithful worrying standby, that of something bad happening to M (specifically, a car wreck.) Today, I found myself very briefly almost sick over a random thought-turned-worry so completely outside the bounds of reality that I cannot adequately give it justice, and I'm not about to tell you what it was because it's so awful and so stupid. So I guess maybe worrying about Ducky again might almost be a bit of a relief by now.
But, there are only two more weeks until the next ultrasound, and if they can't find the baby's heartbeat with the doppler this time around, I'm going to demand my money back. ;) Actually, I can't really complain about them not being able to hear it with the doppler since you get pictures with an ultrasound, and they have so far been quite accomodating with the ultrasound love. And sure, I guess I should worry about the effects of ultrasound waves on my fetus--but I'm not going to, and mainly just because I don't want to. I did find out last night that my husband does an amazing impersonation of a doppler machine. I should record it and play it here because it really is good.
In the meantime, everything seems to be going well. There isn't that much going on in terms of weight gain--my belly is changing, but my weight is approximately the same as it was. Theoretically, I'm not really supposed to be able to feel movement, or just barely so if at all. That being the case, I won't tell you that I'm pretty sure that I do feel something, because I was twelve weeks when I hesitantly told M that I really, really, REALLY KNEW that I shouldn't be able to actually feel anything, BUT... And, it's the same feeling now as then, only a little stronger. It's not that often, either. My family kind of laughed at the idea that you can't feel anything moving until so late, all of them claiming that they could very early. My theory is that a) maybe I'm on crack b) maybe I come from a family of early-feelers or c) I have spent two years obsessing over every twinge my uterus has, so perhaps I am more attuned to what it's actually doing. But like I said, I'm not going to talk about that because it's the kind of thing that I would make fun of because clearly, this person is delusional, etc etc. But at least I've still never told anyone that is experiencing "movement" at six weeks that they are probably feeling their embryo's heart beating. I swear, someone actually said that and believed it. That's the trouble with Dr. Google. Sometimes he comes up with weird shit.
Other than that, I've spent most of my free time trying to not think the method of arrival. Also, trying not to fall asleep all the time like I am now.
