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What I Did Today (an essay)
Feb. 22nd, 2007 09:46 pmToday I went to the doctor and was formally diagnosed as a hypochondriac. Yay!
Okay, I know I'm a geek. I get paid for being a geek. I met my husband by being a geek. But I was thinking that I had a little card with a couple of post-it notes in my purse, with random blood pressures scribbled on it, and since last time I had gone into the office, the reading had been fine, I should assemble that so they could see the history of readings. And yes, I did type it and print it, but mainly because I type much faster than I write and that's just how I roll. All I'm saying is that I was prepared. I was really good at school, btw.
So, I get there, and the nurse leads me back to the exam room and takes my blood pressure. 128/72. That's very normal! Great. Of course, two hours earlier I had had it checked at work--to prepare myself for what it was going to be this afternoon, and because I told the lady that does the screenings that I would be there--at a monthly screening and it was higher. Still, I don't WANT it to be high so I can live with that. The nurse practitioner comes in, looks at my chart, takes my blood pressure again (120/70) and studies my homework for a few minutes before she wheels her stool over in front of me in that concerned medical professional way, and she gives me her professional opinion. "It looks like you have been very focused on your blood pressure. You have taken it several times. My advice is that you stop doing that."
*blink*
She goes on to tell me that variation is normal, etc etc etc, and that I shouldn't get excited about it as long as they weren't. She does not actually come right out and say it, but it is as clear as the nose on her face that she is thinking that my imagination has gotten the best of me. I was sort of at a loss for words, and tried to explain that I had that history typed up only because of the screenings done at work and the last one at their office and yesterday, and that I had previously decided that everything was okay, but that another doctor had insisted that I call the office and a doctor at HER clinic had requested that I come in. She just kind of looked at me until I gave up. She did go ahead and say that they'd keep an eye on it, give them a call if symptoms arose, etc, but she maintained that I should stop worrying about it and really, just stop having it checked in general.
When she was finished with her lecture, I asked her about my spotty elbow rash and asked her if she knew what it might be. She looked at it and said, "No." She recommended putting some benadryl cream on it, and then, I swear I'm not making this up, she also recommended that I get a good moisturizer. What are you, a cosmetologist, lady? As it happens, I didn't put any lotion on this morning because I didn't want to irritate my rash, which was NOT caused by dry skin unless I have become another species but human recently, but thank you for pointing out my scaly skin condition. But, said rash hasn't really spread any (except for a spot or two on my knee, which may have been there last night) and seems to be clearing up, so I'm going to not worry about it anymore anyway, and I decided that she was obviously not the right person to ask anyway (I raised my pant leg to show the spot on my knee, and she gave me a look of complete shock, like, "unless you have a baby growing in that knee I am so not going to want to see this because it is NOT MY AREA.")
I'm sorry, I just cannot get on board the "let us think about your health, you just pay the bills" philosophy of health care. Like I said yesterday, I had forgotten to worry about blood pressure lately. I had decided that it was just a fluke, or something to be watched for but not in an alarmist fashion. I don't even put this under the "I worry too much" category. I just think that I am the first line of responsibility for my health, not a random medical professional that I have seen only once before. I don't think doctors are infallible. I think they know a lot, and are great resources, but I also know that there is new research all the time and they just generally have their strengths and weaknesses. That's how I ended up at my RE's office, and I did the research in advance before each stage. I knew the basics of what he was going to suggest, and why--the full plan and the details I left up to him because I'm not a doctor, but I knew enough to carry on a conversation about my health. I wouldn't be pregnant right now if not for that man, and I wouldn't have gotten to see him if not for my own research before we got referred. It's not even about being anxious and focused on this blood pressure thing. I am checking it because I can, because it's easy to obtain readings. I figure that it's in my best interest to watch for easily recognizable potential problems rather than waiting another month before I see them again. I am honestly not freaking out over the blood pressure thing, I'm just thinking that it's non-invasive and free test, and I cannot really believe that she told me to not even keep an eye on it.
But the blood pressure is good! That part of the appointment was great. I just didn't care much for the lecture that came with it. Even when I am just doing what someone (ie, two doctors) tells me to do (ie, go in for a check-up), I get accused of worrying too much. I have my moments but I just can't help but think that this one wasn't my fault. ;)M was purely pissed because he didn't like her attitude towards his wifey poo, but I was actually pretty amused after I left, so I'm doing alright. I wondered if I had taken it too seriously until I came home and called my mom, who giggled like a schoolgirl during my recitation, and when we hung up, she said, "be good, and don't go taking your blood pressure anymore!" or something like that. She thinks I'm worrying too much, and SHE thought that this nurse was on crack, so I figured that made it more clear that I was not just being weird again. I have a feeling that we have a new joke out of it, and I had something to write about tonight, and hey, I really am glad that there's still nothing to worry about so that's a relief too. And now if you'll excuse me, I need to go ask Google what else I could start inventing symptoms for.
Okay, I know I'm a geek. I get paid for being a geek. I met my husband by being a geek. But I was thinking that I had a little card with a couple of post-it notes in my purse, with random blood pressures scribbled on it, and since last time I had gone into the office, the reading had been fine, I should assemble that so they could see the history of readings. And yes, I did type it and print it, but mainly because I type much faster than I write and that's just how I roll. All I'm saying is that I was prepared. I was really good at school, btw.
So, I get there, and the nurse leads me back to the exam room and takes my blood pressure. 128/72. That's very normal! Great. Of course, two hours earlier I had had it checked at work--to prepare myself for what it was going to be this afternoon, and because I told the lady that does the screenings that I would be there--at a monthly screening and it was higher. Still, I don't WANT it to be high so I can live with that. The nurse practitioner comes in, looks at my chart, takes my blood pressure again (120/70) and studies my homework for a few minutes before she wheels her stool over in front of me in that concerned medical professional way, and she gives me her professional opinion. "It looks like you have been very focused on your blood pressure. You have taken it several times. My advice is that you stop doing that."
*blink*
She goes on to tell me that variation is normal, etc etc etc, and that I shouldn't get excited about it as long as they weren't. She does not actually come right out and say it, but it is as clear as the nose on her face that she is thinking that my imagination has gotten the best of me. I was sort of at a loss for words, and tried to explain that I had that history typed up only because of the screenings done at work and the last one at their office and yesterday, and that I had previously decided that everything was okay, but that another doctor had insisted that I call the office and a doctor at HER clinic had requested that I come in. She just kind of looked at me until I gave up. She did go ahead and say that they'd keep an eye on it, give them a call if symptoms arose, etc, but she maintained that I should stop worrying about it and really, just stop having it checked in general.
When she was finished with her lecture, I asked her about my spotty elbow rash and asked her if she knew what it might be. She looked at it and said, "No." She recommended putting some benadryl cream on it, and then, I swear I'm not making this up, she also recommended that I get a good moisturizer. What are you, a cosmetologist, lady? As it happens, I didn't put any lotion on this morning because I didn't want to irritate my rash, which was NOT caused by dry skin unless I have become another species but human recently, but thank you for pointing out my scaly skin condition. But, said rash hasn't really spread any (except for a spot or two on my knee, which may have been there last night) and seems to be clearing up, so I'm going to not worry about it anymore anyway, and I decided that she was obviously not the right person to ask anyway (I raised my pant leg to show the spot on my knee, and she gave me a look of complete shock, like, "unless you have a baby growing in that knee I am so not going to want to see this because it is NOT MY AREA.")
I'm sorry, I just cannot get on board the "let us think about your health, you just pay the bills" philosophy of health care. Like I said yesterday, I had forgotten to worry about blood pressure lately. I had decided that it was just a fluke, or something to be watched for but not in an alarmist fashion. I don't even put this under the "I worry too much" category. I just think that I am the first line of responsibility for my health, not a random medical professional that I have seen only once before. I don't think doctors are infallible. I think they know a lot, and are great resources, but I also know that there is new research all the time and they just generally have their strengths and weaknesses. That's how I ended up at my RE's office, and I did the research in advance before each stage. I knew the basics of what he was going to suggest, and why--the full plan and the details I left up to him because I'm not a doctor, but I knew enough to carry on a conversation about my health. I wouldn't be pregnant right now if not for that man, and I wouldn't have gotten to see him if not for my own research before we got referred. It's not even about being anxious and focused on this blood pressure thing. I am checking it because I can, because it's easy to obtain readings. I figure that it's in my best interest to watch for easily recognizable potential problems rather than waiting another month before I see them again. I am honestly not freaking out over the blood pressure thing, I'm just thinking that it's non-invasive and free test, and I cannot really believe that she told me to not even keep an eye on it.
But the blood pressure is good! That part of the appointment was great. I just didn't care much for the lecture that came with it. Even when I am just doing what someone (ie, two doctors) tells me to do (ie, go in for a check-up), I get accused of worrying too much. I have my moments but I just can't help but think that this one wasn't my fault. ;)M was purely pissed because he didn't like her attitude towards his wifey poo, but I was actually pretty amused after I left, so I'm doing alright. I wondered if I had taken it too seriously until I came home and called my mom, who giggled like a schoolgirl during my recitation, and when we hung up, she said, "be good, and don't go taking your blood pressure anymore!" or something like that. She thinks I'm worrying too much, and SHE thought that this nurse was on crack, so I figured that made it more clear that I was not just being weird again. I have a feeling that we have a new joke out of it, and I had something to write about tonight, and hey, I really am glad that there's still nothing to worry about so that's a relief too. And now if you'll excuse me, I need to go ask Google what else I could start inventing symptoms for.
