More about the sad thing

[same_sky]

Thank you to everyone who's offered their support and hugs. I am doing okay, or as okay as I can get. It was definitely not a shock, and intellectually I know that she is better off now. It sounds a little weird, but I keep thinking that I'm so happy for her that she has her mind back. Alzheimer's is so cruel. She is probably happy now! And now she will know about her new great-granddaughter! I know she would have loved to really meet her, and I know that Evelyn will be sad that she didn't get a chance to know her. Thinking about it that way makes it a little easier to deal with, but unfortunately, people are a bit selfish, and I really just still wish I had my Mamaw back the way she used to be.

Visitation is tomorrow afternoon, and the funeral is Thursday. We'll go spend the night with my parents again. It felt so wrong to be here alone all day yesterday instead of with my family, but there was nothing I could do and I didn't want to drag Evelyn out on a car trip that long by myself. M would have come home to be with me, of course, but I didn't want him to miss any more work than he'll have to already. I thought I was going to need to go buy dresses this afternoon--I thought the only semi-appropriate one I had was too big, but I found two others in the closet that I had forgotten about. Thank goodness for that.

Obituary. They have her birthday wrong, but they're supposed to be fixing it. I didn't know that the funeral home had this feature--that's pretty nice.

(please forgive me for the last kind of shallow post. i am still sort of trying not to think too much yet, and pictures of my baby seemed like a good thing to play with this morning.)

Comments

[reebert.livejournal.com]

Death is such a strange, wierd thing. It leaves people unsure of how to feel. I still have days that my Dad's death rips me apart, but most days I get through ok now.

Your last sentence there reminded me of the confusion I often felt after my Dad died. I remember one time in particular about a month or so after he passed. Some friends invited me to the movies and we were standing outside the theater and I started laughing about something they were saying and I instantly felt a huge rush of guilt about it. I felt so disrespectful in laughing and having a good time. I still don't even know how to write it out properly other than to say I was very conflicted over my own emotions during that time. And what I'm really trying to say is that you don't need to apologize because whatever you do, it's the right thing. Life does go on and there's no sense in not living it so that you can "properly" grieve someone whose life has ended.

And the obituary page on your Grandma is really nice. :)