patience and breastfeeding, although not related

[same_sky]

I hate getting interrupted while I'm trying to work on something, which is probably why I don't get nearly as much done as I'd like. The girl has been in a cranky mood for the last two days, which involves a lot of whining and shrieking and clawing of my eyeballs. That last one is done by me, to me, of course. I don't handle whining well. I told M last night that although she is the light of my life and I love her more than anything and could never hurt her, she was driving me freaking crazy. (I had to preface it so that it didn't come out scary to anyone.) The night before, she was flailing on the changing table and doing her signature move (twisting around, throwing her legs up in the air and slamming them into the side of my left breast for leverage for more twisting power, so I grabbed at her legs to push them down and jerked away from being kicked again and made an exasperated sound, and M said, "do you want me to do that for you? You seem like you're getting.. angry." And I am so glad that he is patient and kind and loving to his baby girl but she does this to me fifteen times per day and so yes, occasionally I kind of lose my patience with the whining and the kicking and the fighting, so then I just felt guilty like I was being mean to her instead of just trying to put a nice dry diaper on her little tushie. I love staying at home with my baby but sometimes it is harder than other times. It is still loads better than working, though! ;)

Speaking of working, I have had lunch just once or twice with a girl from work since September, and talked to two others on the phone one afternoon. (That was the day that Evelyn re-discovered fart noises and spent the entire time in the background making them. Great!) I worked six minutes from home. Looks like I would have called them now and then to have lunch or something, doesn't it? Hehe. I am such a hermit.

A couple of weeks ago I was at Walmart with my parents. We had been to lunch, and by the time we were shopping, it was way past time for Evelyn to have a diaper change and a snack. I usually will do that in the car before we go in somewhere, but my dad dropped us all off at the door before I had a chance to say anything about it, and it was cold and nasty and icy outside, so I didn't want to return to the car after I was in. So I end up dragging her and the diaper bag into the bathroom, because what am I going to do, whip it out right there in the Electronics department in front of my dad and everyone else? Once I was in there, though, I was a bit perplexed at what I was actually going to DO. The toilets didn't have lids and I wasn't about to sit down on the thing with my clothes on--I don't sit directly on public toilet seats when using them so I'm sure not going to just for fun. I had the ring sling in my diaper bag, so I pulled it out and draped it around me so that it relieved a little of the strain on my arms from holding her standing up (in the handicapped stall). I couldn't put it on her properly while nursing her and I didn't think she'd go for it anyway. So I am standing there with things hanging out, a couple of yards of fabric bunched around me and my arms dying from holding her like that for so long, and the longer I stand there... which thankfully, she does not eat for very long at one time, usually... the madder I am getting. Why do we live in a world that shames mothers for not breastfeeding their children while making it such a production to find a place to feed their children if they do? I am more modest than many--I believe in someone's right to be much more open, but I am just a bit shy myself. There is no support from the world at large, and people treat breastfeeding as if it's something shameful. I guess I am part of the problem because I am standing there in a nasty bathroom feeding my baby, but I am also a product of my world, you know? I believe it's Evelyn's right to eat when she is hungry but I am not comfortable doing it in the aisles of a busy store because I know how people think. It makes me really sad and angry. So, the question of the day is... what is the most inconvenient/awkward/embarrassing place that you have needed to feed your baby? What did you do? Or does everyone else just feel more confident about being open about it? Alternately, if you don't have kids or don't breastfeed, what do you think you would do in that situation?

Comments

[e11en.livejournal.com]

In that situation, I would have gone to the dressing/fitting room, if there was one. The Motherhood maternity store in the mall was the first place I ever noticed a little sign that indicated they were happy to let anyone use their fitting room for that purpose. Not every Walmart has a fitting room but I bet if you went into any store that did and explained your predicament, they'd probably let you do it.

Most awkward place, hmm, I think I have two. One was when Ingrid was still a tiny infant and I was "working from home" two days a week. Or I might have still been on legitimate maternity leave but it was a meeting I felt I had to attend. So I brought Ingrid to the meeting and then I wound up needing to nurse her just before everyone arrived for the meeting. They all showed up and didn't realize I was nursing her (which was good) but then when I had to stop that was a little awkward because getting everything put away discreetly was not a skill I had really mastered so I had to turn my back to everyone, at which point they all knew what I was doing so...awkward.

The other was at a friend's wedding in Germany. By that time Ingrid was closing in on 1 year old and I chose a dress that wasn't nursing friendly because I mostly wasn't nursing her in the day anymore. However, we had been visiting the Swedish relatives for a week beforehand and, having constant access to me in a way that Ingrid wasn't used to having because she was normally at daycare, she had been nursing more in the day. So she started to insist upon being fed right in the middle of the quiet part of this full-on church wedding. I had to take her back to one of those little side chapels in the back of the church, pull in my arms and turn the dress around so I could unzip it and then nurse her back there. I had no blanket or diaper or anything to try and cover us up and was just waiting for someone to walk back there and see me half dressed in a church. In the end, only G walked back there but I sure felt awkward.

[same-sky.livejournal.com]

The fitting room! You are so smart. I don't know why I didn't think of that. Next time I will try that! Duh. Hehe. You totally win, though, with your story of being half-dressed in a church, although I wouldn't want to share that moment with my co-workers either. :)

[ladysunrunner.livejournal.com]

I guess it's not very common, but sometimes in department stores and places like that the bathrooms have a sort of outer sitting-room type place with a few chairs.

[same-sky.livejournal.com]

I love those rooms! I love going to Macy's because they have those. It makes the shopping day so much more comfortable! Sadly, our Walmart doesn't have those. ;(

[stress-kitten.livejournal.com]

Most awkward place for me was in the thoroughfare of the local aquarium. :-) I'm much less shy than many, but that was somewhat uncomfortable, although no one looked twice.

What I saw in one Walmart (because, I agree... their washrooms leave something to be desired, although our local one has a little alcove with a hard plastic chair and a change-table) was that the woman sat down to feed her baby in the baby section. Made a whole bunch of sense to me... and seemed less awkward than trying to do it in electronics. :-D At least in the baby section, the people wandering the aisles are likely to be parents themselves. Heh.

A lot of our local department stores - those that have baby sections - also tend to have breast-feeding/changing stations there as well. MOst malls as well. And the IKEA here has a lovely, quiet, cozy little room with a bottle warmer and stuffed armchairs and soothing lights/paint scheme.

It's amazing how having a place like that put aside for you in a store makes you feel valued as a mother.

[wildflower150.livejournal.com]

I have fed William in the same place at the aquarium - I see alot of moms nursing there actually - but then again no one ever seems to bat an eye about breastfeeding in public in our city!

[same-sky.livejournal.com]

I like the department stores with the chairs/lounges and I would love to have an IKEA, period. ;) It costs them almost nothing and it makes me feel so much better about spending money there! I did think of the baby section, although there was still nowhere to sit down back there unless I sat in the floor. I guess I can't be surprised that WM is not the most parenting friendly.

[grain-damaged.livejournal.com]

Hello! I followed your cute little baby face over here from carrieb's journal. Hope you don't mind that I made you a friend... I've been enjoying your posts. =)

[same-sky.livejournal.com]

Not at all, hello and welcome. :) I think you were one of the people that Carrie told me I would like to read when we were gossiping about LJ when she came to visit, so I always meant to go say hello. And thanks for calling my baby cute! :)

[wildflower150.livejournal.com]

I nurse in public - I actually have never hid in a bathroom or change room with the exception of right after my daughter was born and I was just learning how to latch her. I just find a bench and go at it! Any old chair will do - I have nursed in WAY too many places and so frequently that I can't even think about an odd place. I have had little old ladies, kids, grandpas teenagers, people of all different races come up to me while nursing or talk to me because I was sitting next to them. I think I have only recieved one sort of odd look and maybe one rude comment. I figure if they can eat in public so can my kids.

[same-sky.livejournal.com]

I so agree in theory. I didn't have a chair handy anyway. :)

[courtesy.livejournal.com]

I love your germ phobia, it's so cute :)

As is your husband, taking over when you need a break.

I saw a cool thing today on the net where you can hang (not in the bad sense, you realise) your baby on the side of a toilet cubicle (there is material between it and the baby, germ freak) so perhaps you could stand there pressing against the wall :)

[same-sky.livejournal.com]

I love you. haha. I think it's because you remind me of M.. I mean, who else ridicules me so often? *giggle* :) I don't think I really want to hang my baby up on the stall but thank you for thinking of me. *grin*

[big-bubba.livejournal.com]

This is Carrie speaking. For some reason this post never showed up on my LJ friends page, so I was perpelexed when you said M knew you needed a break. I missed a lot! I"m glad you're going to get a break because you need it! Moms have to have that break! I remember going totally crazy the first couple of years. I am finally at the point where I am not totally counting down the hours till Mike walks in the door.

Anyway! If I lived in KY I would be a lot more hesitant to nurse in public. I saw the attitudes there and it was not very friendly! Yikes!

That said, I have nursed just about everywhere and anywhere. I found the benches in middle of the mall to work well. I wish I would have thought of the dressing room thing b/c that would have been a lot more comfortable. I don't like public bathrooms so I've steadfastly refused to nurse there.

Most uncomfortable nursing place? Beckley, WV. Masonic Temple. Ghost tour light suddenly illuminating me and my breasts with 20 ghost hunters staring at me.

Also? Middle aisle of an airplane row with a burely man on either side.

All I can say is Thank God for the nursing cover Reebert made for me. I never left home without it.

[same-sky.livejournal.com]

You had a few posts just when you came back from vacation that weren't showing up for me. I had to hunt you down to see if you were alright, too. LJ sucks sometimes.

Yeah, the attitude here is not so friendly with crazy stuff like breastfeeding in public. I had to laugh at the ghost tour one. I remember that! They got more of a show than they were expecting. ;) I am going to remember the dressing room thing. I will just grab a random shirt on my way through to "try on" and then I won't even have to tell them what I'm doing. Excellent! Ellen is smart.