Opinions.

[same_sky]

I've mentioned before that I'm struggle to control my levels of tact. I was born without a tact gene. It started early in life.. at age seven, I wrote my dad a long letter telling him that he 'runt' (ruint) my life--this is still mentioned to me at least five times a year. A couple of years ago, I made an active decision to stop saying exactly what I think. M didn't change me, but he gave me strength to BE me. That's when I sat down and really thought about my tendency to tell people exactly what I think and realized that it was not that I couldn't do it, it's that I didn't want to do it before. (I analyze everything. I could tell you why I didn't want to, but it's not really important.) In my happy little world, I assumed that if someone asked for my opinion, then I should give it to them. I still don't understand why people want others to lie to them, or validate their own opinions, or never hear what others think, but I've tried to be more accomodating. I've had moments of backsliding. I let my great-uncle drag me into a rousing political discussion this spring, for example, that left me feeling guilty, but in general, I've done really well, I think. Even my mother has noticed improvement, and she despaired of me ever learning to watch what I say. I've even refrained from posting things in my own damned journal.

I'm a fan of Dr. Phil for just that reason. People pay him to tell them the things that I've wanted to say all my life. He says just what he means to say, and I respect that. I'm fascinated now by how many people say that they wish everyone could be so honest with other people as he is. I know for a fact that people don't want honesty--see above. Honesty just isn't the way to win friends and influence people, but people love to pretend that they want honesty from their friends and family.

I don't know what the point here is. I just sometimes want so badly to say something to someone that I know they're not going to like. I don't like seeing people sacrifice their own well-being. People sabotage their lives all the time and they do it so lightly. Where are the lines between being a friend by telling them what they want to hear and being a good friend by being honest and just making them mad because they didn't want to hear it at all? And most importantly, is it even ethical to sit back and let someone do something emotionally harmful to themselves without lifting a finger to help?

I guess I'll never get a real answer to this. I just wish it didn't worry me so much. I guess the moral of the story here is that sometimes, it's not that people don't care if they don't say anything; it's that they're terrified of saying what they actually mean.

Comments

[lizardek.livejournal.com]

I miss him. We haven't had the channel that he's on here in Sweden for nearly 6 years. But I read his top 10 list on the web each morning at work, along with my favorite funnies :) gotta keep those cultural references up to date! :)